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Saturday, December 14, 2013

Mom and Dad, This Tantrum's For You

Whenever my wife or I pick up our 2-year old, Lydia, the babysitter consistently has the same thing to report. "She was perfect." Despite our constant worries that she is going to misbehave while we are gone, she rarely ever does.  While this can be a relief to hear, it can be frustrating when our little angel throws her first temper tantrum as soon as we get in the car. It's like she has been saving all the rage inside of her for us. Aren't we special.

This is normal. Lydia may be perfect for an entire weekend for Grandma and Grandpa, but as soon as we walk in the door she is screaming. The worst time of the day can be right after we pick her up from the sitter. I didn't get that this was normal in the beginning, but I get it now. In fact, it naturally should make sense. After all, adults can do the same thing.

Much like adults do, toddlers often treat the ones they love the worst. When all day long they have to be out of their comfort zone, they are forced to keep most of their emotions at check. At work, I keep my emotions at check all day, and usually unleash them on my poor wife every night. "Venting," I believe, is the technical term for this.

Why Lydia gets home, she has a list of demands. This often includes watching cartoons, chocolate milk, her favorite doll and blanket, and help putting on her slippers. Oh yeah, and she wants all of these things NOW. We do our best. We try to teach her the virtue of patience, but come on….she's two. She throws a massive temper tantrum that most likely is regularly heard by our neighbors.

It does get old, but really what she's saying when she throws those tantrums every night is "I missed you guys" and "why the heck did you leave me all the day long?" As crazy as this sounds, she is also saying "I love you." It's true. The way I know she loves us more than anyone else is the fact that she unleashes all of her rage, sadness, and joy on us. We see the true Lydia because she is most comfortable with us. Because she trusts us so much, she knows she can let everything out, and it may be painful for us to go through, but she is much better off for it.

I think every relationship needs that kind of passion. Fellow parents of toddlers should welcome these tantrums with open arms. It just means your child loves you. In fact, the worse your child acts around a person, one can argue the more the child loves that person. I'll try to remember this every day about 5pm.